Sickle cell and the victim mindset

As you well know, I like getting stories from people with sickle cell, people willing to share their personal experiences with the world on this platform.  I hope this moves you to jump start your life again, if you are feeling stuck after COVID-19 pandemic.

The first thing while trying to accept the fact that I live with sickle cell is to fight my victim mindset.  Some years ago until now, I saw myself as a victim and I remained a victim for a long time.  I did everything you are doing right now, I partied and dined with self-pity.  I cried and wailed, nagged, complained yet nothing changed about me.

Do you know that I have blamed every person around me except myself? I even blamed my parents when I know they were the ones who gave me this sickle gene.  Does my blaming and acting like a victim change anything?  No.  Nothing changed. I was just a frustrated girl who couldn’t do anything.  The ‘poor me’ mindset put me in a box; where I hoped to escape from. The day I changed my mindset and saw myself as a s/hero is the day the change I sought for actually began.

Does this mean I haven’t had my share of sickle cell? No.  On the contrary, sickle cell has dealt with me. I missed master’s examination because of acute chest syndrome. I missed job interviews, I missed plenty opportunities because of crises that kept me in hospital for days.

How do I even explain missing professional courses that I worked hard for, from working overnight on the application to preparing and passing the interviews only to be selected and I missed attending the course because of sickness?  At first, this got me crying for days, blaming sickle cell and even my parents.  While crying, many opportunities passed me by. The more I blamed sickle cell, the more I got frustrated and my mental health suffered.

I ditched the idea of being the victim and stopped complaining and blaming.  I have come to operate from the place of total acceptance and my productivity has increased. I don’t cry about anything that happens because of my health because I have come to the realisation of getting over it and start working on the next opportunity.

Sickle cell has cost me many things, but I have received more just because of the same sickle cell. It has taught me what is acceptable and what self-mastery means. I work like my life depends on it when I am fine and see my sick days as my off days.  In my work as a sickle cell advocate, I have met many sickle cell warriors who were once like me.

The ‘poor me’ mentality, the victim mindset has really stopped them from making a difference. Many sickle cell warriors see themselves as victims. They choose to blame parents, employees, employers, schools, government and friends. Many have forgotten that they may have sickle cell but sick cell doesn’t have them.  They are still dwelling on this ‘poor me’ mentality! The “it is over for me”, “I don’t deserve any better” thoughts continue to invade their minds. They see themselves as not capable of changing their circumstances. They feel almost everyone hates them.

The victim mindset has stopped many from pursuing their goals.  Many don’t want to take responsibility for their lives. I know a life of sickle cell is full of challenges.  Many sickle cell warriors who are doing extremely well all changed their victim mindset to s/hero mindset.  The victim mindset will make you neglect your health and still blames others.

This isn’t a call to condemn but a call to change. When we see ourselves as victims we put the power to improve our life on others or on something else. We think it is other peoples’ responsibilities to change us.   We seek pity, just because we want people to sympathise with us.  We have forgotten that when we are in a victim position, people don’t extend help.

See yourself as a survivor:  Living with sickle cell makes you are a survivor, a warrior. You are a soldier and a soldier never give up. We fight battles many don’t understand and you don’t need to have self-pity. Have you ever seen a soldier walking with their head down? No.  They are proud of their scars.  A victim argues with life, a survivor embraces it.  A victim dwells on the past, a survivor lives in the present.  A victim believes they are helpless, a survivor takes back control of their life.  Although the victim is addictive, the survivor’s mentality is much more empowering in the long term.  Once you start seeing yourself as a survivor, you will begin to feel better about life and you will attract other people for the right reasons.

Below are ways to let go of your victim mindset

Take responsibility for your life: Many of us want someone to rescue us, we avoid taking responsibility for our actions; playing the victim, but the disadvantages are more dangerous. Nobody can give you the change you seek. You are responsible for how you feel, your decisions, what you do and what you say. Start taking responsibility for yourself and the change will be amazing.

Acceptance: Many of us have yet accepted the fact that we live with sickle cell.  No matter what, total acceptance is what makes us to see ourselves for who we are. We can’t accept other things apart from sickle cell. It won’t work.

Practice Self-love: To break out of the victim mindset, you need to love yourself. Be kind to who you are. Self-pity, talking down on yourself are self- hatred, which kills your surviving spirit. Be in love with yourself.

Be grateful: One thing is, gratitude makes us to see what we have, rather than what we lack.  Be grateful at all times.

Practice kindness. Be kind to people around you.  Do something for someone closer to you.

Improve your self-worth: Working on your self- esteem and confidence makes a lot of difference.

I want to tell every sickle cell warriors out there that sickle cell or not you have a purpose that must be fulfilled. Get up and take charge like the s/hero you are. If you never stop being a victim, you won’t know the power you have. The power to change your life is only given to you. Don’t give others that power and became a victim.  You are a warrior and a s/hero.

Kemi Oguntimehin – Ignite Sickle Cell Initiative

If you would like to get in touch with Kemi or myself about this article, please do so on:and do visit my blog: www.howtolivewithsicklecell.co.uk

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